


Dear Charmie fans: this is not a drill

by alutea



Category: Original Work
Genre: Confessional, Essays, Gen, Questioning, open letter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-27
Updated: 2020-10-28
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:14:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27230290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alutea/pseuds/alutea
Summary: A confession and an open letter to Charmie fans on the news of Armie Hammer's divorce.Also some additional thoughts after removing it from the Call Me By Your Name - RPF fanwork space.
Comments: 20
Kudos: 3





	1. The Original Post

**Author's Note:**

> [edit #2]  
> It's now maybe around 12 hours since I posted this, and upon reflection I've decided to withdraw it from the "Call Me By Your Name - RPF" space. The thought of harming someone with my words make me feel sick, so.
> 
> There's a much longer exposition in Chapter 2 if you're interested.  
> [/end edit#2]
> 
> [edited to add after initial comments:]  
> I wrote this because I'm struggling, and because my brain won't shut up like when it's stuck on a fic idea only 1000 times less fun. Reading this will likely(?) make you uncomfortable. I express censure for a non-fandom unethical act which violated informed consent and state the questions I'm asking of myself and if you want, of you. Is that a violation of the safe-spaces here? It's not my intent, but it's possible, and people have told me that it is. If that possibility might harm you, please hit the back button on your browser right now because harming you is _emphatically_ not my intent. 
> 
> I don't know if deleting this would be the "right" thing, though it would certainly be the easiest thing. Is there a way for questions about fandom's role in our lives to exist here, within this vast wonderful "archive of our own?" I'm increasingly unsure... But that needn't be a bad thing, or a thing at all. (Okay, brain, please stop now.)  
> [/end edit]

I wonder how many people, when they heard or read news of Armie Hammer's divorce, reacted with an incredulous, "No way..." as reality suddenly shifted to align with fantasy and then followed that thought with a spark of interest that might have been guilty hope: _I wonder if..._ Only to be bowled over (if you decided to read about the details) of the sexting behind his wife's back with "Adeline" or multiple "Adelines."

I confess: I don't count myself a Charmie fan, though I say without reservation that I have been impressed by the quality of writing in this fandom. Even so, I had my own "I wonder if..." moment followed by hollowness and disappointment.

I wonder if you felt the same disappointment, or perhaps a sense of betrayal or depression—even disgust. I address this letter to "you" because I've been pondering a question to which I don't know the answer, mostly because I can only live in and observe what is in my own head.

The question is: do RPF stories affect our view of reality?

This question has nothing to do with the _right_ of writers to create fictional stories about real living people (which I absolutely support), but about whether and how much they change our views of those same living people (and maybe, by extension, the tribes they belong to). 

I worry because here in America we have a reality TV star for a president whose celebrity doubtlessly helped him get elected to our nation's highest office. I hope the fact that he is unfit for that office is by now abundantly clear, at least to anyone willing to engage here. I worry about celebrity culture. I worry about the preternaturally pretty people with global audiences who make us fall in love with them and then attempt to sell us things, even if those "things" are only the idea that they and people like them should be worshiped for their beauty, style, money, and acting talent.

Am I the only person here who has to make a conscious effort to separate Fantasy Armie (who, sure, might be a bit of an asshole, but only because he is head-over-heels in love with his _Call Me By Your Name_ co-star) from his real-life counterpart, who, like the bad movie trope of a Famous Male Actor, has decided that neither monogamy nor ethical non-monogamy apply to him because he's entitled to do what he wants, natch? 

Writing that last paragraph was uncomfortable in the way of revealing a deep-seated flaw: _I have trouble separating fantasy from reality_ —or at least, my emotions do. This is, in fact, why I'm _afraid_ of being a Charmie fan. Maybe it's just a personal failing, in which case you can point and laugh at me, and I'll feel relieved and embarrassed at the same time.

But if it's not just me, what are the implications? Does reading about Fantasy Armie bias us favorably toward Real Armie? Are we more inclined to assign characteristics like shrewishness or calculation to Elizabeth, his (ex-)wife, on his behalf? Or what might subtly be worse: to view her as the embodiment of an obstacle and no longer a whole person in her own right? Is it then easier for us to dismiss other women in the same situation? And expanding outward: to assign an unearned assumption of kindness, intelligence, noble suffering to tall white blue-eyed blond handsome men?* To automatically extend our sympathy to the rich and privileged instead of viewing them with some degree of caution and suspicion? To dismiss the harm that certain men cause to those around them because the thought is too painful for us to bear?

* Which, I would argue, is different when Oliver is the subject and model because on some level we're still conscious that Oliver is a character, a hypothetical, while one of the Armies is not.

This is not a knock against either the writers or the fans. I understand at least some of the attraction. I would love to live in a world where a real-life Oliver fell in love with a boy, was upfront about it to his wife, maybe ethically separated from her with minimal trauma to his children, and engaged all his money, charm, and fame to fight for the rights of gay people, racial minorities, gender minorities, etc., and lived happily ever after with his husband.

But we don't live in that world. So I worry about both conscious and unconscious bias. I think perhaps we don't guard our hearts against fictional characters quite as stringently as we do against real people. What happens when we let a fictional Armie in and find that the real Armie has taken up residence instead?—and what happens if that happens to tens of thousands of people in this fandom, multiplied by all the other RPF fandoms?

Is there a cost to all this beautiful fantasy?

I don't know. 

Will you ask the question with me?


	2. Writing therapy

This post is now an "Original Work." Does it mean it's now in my safe space? 

I am no longer sure what is meant by the words "safe space." [Wikipedia defines it as](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Safe_space):

>   
>  Places created for individuals who feel marginalized to come together to communicate regarding their experiences with marginalization...may also indicate that a teacher, educational institution, or student body does not tolerate violence, harassment, or hate speech, thereby creating a safe place for marginalized people.  
> 

There was no violence, harassment, or hate speech in my words or intention, and nor was the post directed toward anyone in particular, but it seems like people took them as an attack anyway. An attack on...what? I'm still not quite certain. Were my thoughts taken as an existential threat? (Which seems grandiose...?) Was it another case of "if you're not with us you're against us, and questioning us means you're against us?"

Opening with unequivocal censure of the real-life actions of one of the people upon which the fandom is based was probably not very strategic. (But also, does the indignation imply that it _is_ difficult for people to separate real people from the RPF characters based on them and who share their names?) I reject another possibility, which is that people don't think the actor in question's cheating on his wife should be criticized thus harshly. Surely we're past that point. Surely.

(For an eloquent and heartbreaking description of the experience from someone who was in that position, I refer you to [Kai Cole's letter](https://www.thewrap.com/joss-whedon-feminist-hypocrite-infidelity-affairs-ex-wife-kai-cole-says/) upon her divorce from Joss Whedon, of whom I was once a huge fan, not least because of his seeming support of bad-ass women.)

I admit I was also blindsided by the refrains of 'take it to Tumblr.' I don't use social media (has anyone else read _The Circle_? I hated it mostly because I hated being in the the protagonist's head, but also how close it is to reality. Near-future tech apocalypse, egads). I don't have a Tumblr account. If I wanted to fight on a technical nit-picky level I could point out that there's an official tag for "Essays" which implies non-fictional stuff, and "Confessional," which could lean either way, but technicalities are not a ~~fair~~ useful argument. Does a fair argument against "you are violating my safe space" exist? Except intention, which is also useless against people who have already made judgment against you? I'm stumped. I thought on this for hours staring at the same spot on the rug. There's a pattern that looks like a startled ghost. I'm haunted. Has this statement reached the level of the kind of rhetoric that makes you seem like an asshole whatever answer you give that's not a giving-in?

Like most people, I don't want to seem like an asshole. Whether I really am or not may depend on whether you read Chapter 1 while it was still in the CMBYN - RPF fanwork category.

"Marginalized"--I admit, one of the responses I came up with (and discarded) was "Uh, I don't think CMBYN - RPF fans in particular and RPF fans in general are a protected class or an oppressed minority." Flippancy under stress is a thing. One of my things, in fact. Which is probably not doing anything to convince you that I'm not an asshole. 

(Oh hey, have you noticed a little humor creeping back in? Yay. Points for writing therapy!)

One of the comments that hit me hardest was actually the one that described CMBYN - RPF fans being stigmatized and thus needing and particularly valuing a safe space. This is hard to respond to in a lot of ways. Not least because it casts me as an oppressor. Again: does arguing for myself make me more of an oppressor? I don't know. I have made no contribution to the CMBYN - RPF fandom. Maybe that means I have no right to ask questions of it. I find it alluring, and I fear the attraction. And, as a fic writer myself, I sympathize with the fear of stigma. (Less nowadays, admittedly. Amazon trying to monetize fandom means, to me, that fandom is pretty much mainstream now.)

On the other hand, I am writing a long-ass fanfic in the Snarry fandom, which, as far as that goes, makes it "mine." I have heard and accepted most of the criticisms there, I think. Yes, Snape is a mean bastard in the books (less so in the movies). He's not a good person, he abuses little children under his care. Yes, the age difference is very, very concerning. Yes, Rowling has said that no one should wish to marry Snape. Yes, I've read the thing on Jezebel about "Snape Wives." (Warning to fellow Snarry fans: it's not pretty. I had no idea this was a thing, so to me it was both kinda horrifying and kinda amusing. Snape is called an incel, if I recall correctly. Eeeeh, okay.) No, I'd never want to marry Snape myself unless there was lots of therapy involved. Yes, Rowling is transphobic, and in a way I'm promoting her work, though she probably wouldn't think so (for some reason this is reeeeally funny to me right now, which probably means I should hang up my keyboard soon). Maybe I should've stopped writing when I read those news articles, and maybe I'm copping out by attempting to address the problem within the fic itself. For now, I've decided I can do more good by continuing rather than backing out.

Yes, that entire paragraph was to prove to you that I think questioning of "my" fandom made it better. Or made me want to do better by it. A sincere communication of thoughts is one of the only ways we can understand each other, and by understanding, feel less alone. In the end, I think that's what I really wanted with my original post: to feel less alone. Someone to say, "Yes, I've felt this unease too. But sometimes (especially this horrible, horrible year), you just do whatever it is that gives you joy and a moment of happiness, and that's enough." And I would have agreed: yeah sometimes that's enough. (And maybe when you have the leisure and brain-space, I hope you'll ask the questions too.)

If you've somehow managed to stumble across this long meandering brain-spew, I welcome comments and criticisms, always. 

(I think I can sleep now. I swear I'm not ignoring comments, I'll definitely get to them with a clearer head tomorrow.)


End file.
